We have a vague idea that death is inevitable. We make plans for life thinking we will have all the time we need to complete them. At 73, I thought I would have maybe 10 years ahead of me to finish all my plans to retire from my job as a nurse and then build a health and wellness business. Suddenly, I was faced with my mortality. This is where my story begins.
I saw my ophthalmologist who drained the fluid around a growth, but it worsened. It enlarged and formed its blood supply. I was sent to a plastic surgeon. He would perform a biopsy but scheduled 4 subsequent surgeries in case he needed them. The pathology report was that this growth was Merkel Cell Cancer. We would continue with the other surgeries to remove the margin around the growth and eventually reconstruct my eyelid. He was very straightforward with his explanation of the procedures he would do.
At this point, I was getting very uneasy and worried, I went to the web that night to learn about this cancer. The article I found stated that Merkel cell carcinoma was a rapidly growing, rare cancer with a poor prognosis. The statistics say "76% of patients will survive 5 years." My heart stopped when I read this. My mortality was right in front of my face. Everything I had planned fell away. This was the first stage of the grieving process. In shock and denial, I told myself "This was not happening!" Anxiety was the worst stage and seemed to persist throughout the process. However, I didn't feel angry throughout the experience. I have strong beliefs about what lies ahead of me after the death of the physical body. I then went into the bargaining stage.
There were a lot of questions for me. What if I... changed my diet, exercised, and lived stress-free? All this was not going to change the diagnosis [already received]. Finally, depression set in and this was the worst stage for me. I felt paralyzed and hopeless coupled with high anxiety, which I felt was intolerable.
Luckily my journey through this challenging time was supported by many friends and family offering prayers and support. My adult children were at my side every day. They kept me busy and concentrating on less tragic thoughts. I could feel the grace I was receiving.
I began to come around and start my new journey through life. I started meditation every day working with breath and chanting to calm my mind and reach for Spirit. It was simple, about 20 minutes to ground myself and start my day, This gave me the motivation to use my intention to create and find joy within every day.
I stopped thinking of the future and tasted the joy in the moment. My tasks were to stay in the moment each day. With whatever I was doing, to be fully present. This exercise freed up my creativity and energy. Worry was dealt with early in my wait for surgery. Now, through the grief stages, I can fully explore my spiritual nature and live freely again.
Finally, there was much gratitude to explore. First, to be grateful for each day before me, knowing my spirit is immortal, and feeling lucky to have completed what I have accomplished. I've planned to use my skills to keep the joy going and live.
So far, all the tissue samples have been negative for cancer. I feel free to relax and enjoy the lighter load I have created.
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Post written by Pat Davison.
Side Note by Josephine:
Pat had submitted her testimonial article for publication a few weeks before the release of this newsletter and continues to report being cancer-free as determined by ongoing tests. So we continue to celebrate her steps in her healing journey which have included biofield therapy (energy work), increasing cancer and inflammation-fighting foods through green smoothies that her family was making for her, implementing her regular meditation practices, working with her medical team, as well as her bravery to work through difficult emotions that have allowed her to shift the energy patterns.
No one is immune to challenges in the body, mind, or arising in life. However, we can allow support, and take steps to heal and empower ourselves, just as Pat has demonstrated through 'reclaiming life'.
Thank you Pat for your willingness to be vulnerable, sharing your healing journey, and how to allow healing to occur!
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